A FREE PEEK INSIDE OUR JOKE BOOKS
~~~~~~~~~~
I
just don’t understand my wife!
I
spend $6,000 on breast implants
Then I spend $4000 for a face lift
Then I spend $3,000 for a tummy tuck.
I
go out and spend $30 for a blow job
and she goes ballistic.
Just
don’t understand that woman !
~~~~~~~~~~
Why do they
call the mid section of a woman a waist?
Because they
could have put two more breast in there
~~~~~~~~~~
An airliner was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it
reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an
announcement over the intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this
is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight 293, nonstop from
New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good and we
should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and
relax and... OH MY GOD!"....
Silence followed. Then after a few seconds, the captain came
back on the intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am
so sorry if I frightened you earlier, but while I was talking to
you, the flight-attendant brought me a cup of hot coffee and
spilled it in my lap. He chuckled and said, "You should see the
front of my pants!"
A passenger in coach yelled loudly, "That's nothing. You
should see the back of mine!"
~~~~~~~~~~
A man boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of
frozen crab.
A female crew member took the box and promised to put it in
the crew's refrigerator, which she did.
The man firmly advised her that he was holding her personally
responsible for the crabs staying frozen, and proceeded to
rant at her about what would happen if she let them thaw out.
She was annoyed by his behavior.
Shortly before landing in New York, she announced over the
intercom to the entire cabin, 'Would the gentleman who gave
me the crabs in New Orleans, please raise your hand?'
Not one hand went up. So she took them home and ate them
herself.
~~~~~~~~~~
Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a
North Carolina
mountain man,
was drafted by the Army.
On his first day in basic training,
the Army issued him a comb.
That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his
hair.
On his second day, the Army issued
Herman a toothbrush.
That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth.
On the third day, the Army issued
him a jock strap.
The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years.
~~~~~~~~~~
Little Johnny attended a horse
auction with his father.
He watched as his father moved from horse to horse,
running his hands up and down the horse's legs, rump, and chest.
After a few minutes, Johnny asked,
"Dad, why are you doing that?"
His father replied, "Because
when I'm buying horses,
I have to make sure that they are healthy
and in good
shape before I buy.
Johnny, looking very worried, said,
"Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom"
~~~~~~~~~~
I don't know about that new golf
pro," said Dave. "He may be a little strange."
"Why do you think that?"
asked Clyde.
"He just tried to correct my
stance again."
"So?" said Clyde. "He's just trying to help your game."
"Yeah, I know," said Dave,
"but I was standing at the urinal."
~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Madam:
Thank you for your recent order from
our sex toy shop.
You asked for the large red vibrator
as featured on our wall display.
Please select another item as that
is our fire extinguisher.